Spam

When I'm bored at work, I've begun searching my spambox for people that deserve to have their time wasted. Mostly I search for emails that claim I've won a lottery or that claim to need help forwarding funds somewhere.

I try to send them back long replies. I usually search among class Ann Landers questions and responses. I like to send the question to one person, and then the reply to that question to another person.

For example, Mrs. Lilian Parker, Lottery Coordinator, received this response to her email which had asked for copious amounts of personal information:
Dear Mrs. Parker:
Your belligerent attitude toward overweight people makes me wonder what is at the root of your mean-spirited hostility.I suspect that some obese person in your childhood was mean to you.

You are wrong when you say fat people eat too much only because "it tastes good." That 350-pound woman probably got that way because she was trying to compensate for whatever was missing in her life by filling the emptiness with food.

There is also the matter of metabolism. Some people can burn up calories in their sleep, while others have trouble burning them no matter what they do. Those who sit in offices all day (now working with computers) are bound to be heavier than people who are doing janitorial work or selling something that requires long hours of traveling by foot. The only way to make up the difference is by exercising vigorously for several hours each week.

Some folks eat and drink whatever they want and don't gain an ounce. Others pay for every morsel of chocolate cake or ice-cream sundae. Life deals more gently with some of us than others. It is a fact that the people who live in the United States are the most envied in the world. They are also probably the fattest. Do you want to trade places with someone in a less abundant country? I don't.